Buffalo Dreams or How My Husband Is Trying to Kill Me

I gave this as my icebreaker speech (#1) for Toastmasters in 2006.


You may know that I recently got married. What you might not know is that my husband may be, unintentionally, trying to kill me with the places he chooses for vacation. No matter where we go, there is always some deadly animal there for me to be afraid of.

I first became suspicious in August 2004. We decided to go on a California Adventure and our first stop was at Yosemite, where we met up with some of his friends. I was a little afraid of bears before we even started, but they had been several times and said they hadn’t seen one yet. As we drove to the park, I found out that on one of their more recent trips, they had in fact seen a bear. I started to get nervous again. That afternoon we went on what was probably a beautiful hike. Unfortunately, I spent the whole time examining every tree stump and limb that moved, thinking it was a bear. We checked into our campground, which was plastered with bear warning signs. I was very diligent in putting every little thing with a scent inside the bear locker. I actually had a pretty good evening, and only woke up a few times thinking, “Was that a bear?”

The next day, we went on another hike, which happened to be the same hike they had seen the bear on. This was no different than the previous day; the rest of the party was 100 feet ahead of me, and I was behind, huffing, puffing, and looking for bears.

From Yosemite, Scott and I headed to San Francisco. We decided to go to Muir Woods, a redwood forest north of San Francisco. I thought, “Surely there won’t be anything to worry about there. There are no bears in San Francisco.” But as soon as we walked through the gates, I saw a sign warning people of cougars. And as we got a little further in, we were warned of another danger, the rabid bat. That afternoon I had two animals to worry about.

After San Francisco, we headed south to LA. Except for a quick stop in Pinnacles National Monument, where I had to be on the lookout for rattlesnakes, the rest of the trip was uneventful.

Last summer Scott thought we should drive through the Dakotas, after I expressed interest in seeing Mount Rushmore. Our first National Park was Badlands National Park. As we drove through, we stopped to look at a prairie dog town. They were so cute, sticking up from their holes looking around. Then I read the signs. Apparently, prairie dogs have a flea which carries a disease similar to the bubonic plague. And as if that isn’t enough, black widow spiders like to live in the prairie dog homes. I couldn’t even trust them.

The closest encounter so far happened a few nights later. We went to Theodore Roosevelt National Park, South Unit. We set up our tent in the afternoon, picking a spot near the river. As we were setting up, we noticed some buffalo crossing the river. It was a very pretty, natural site. We went into town, and by the time we got back, it was very late, after dark, so we just got ready and went to bed. I’m not sure how long I had been asleep when I was awaken by a noise. I immediately knew what it was; I had heard it earlier that week when we drove through a herd of buffalo. It sounded very close, and I was sure that if I opened the window in the tent, I would see a big eye staring back at me. Naturally, I did what any good girlfriend/wife would do – I woke Scott up.

“Scott, do you hear that”

“Huh, oh cool. A buffalo.”

And he fell back asleep. It was a very long night. Every time I fell asleep, I would hear that noise. I was convinced that if I moved too much, the buffalo would get spooked and trample the tent, turning us into some sort of human nylon burrito. It only got worse as the night went on. Some time in the early morning, I had to go to the bathroom. There was no way I was leaving the tent in the dark, by myself, to walk to the bathroom, so I decided to tough it out. Every time I fell asleep, I dreamt about going to the bathroom, but as I got to the door, a buffalo would be lying across the threshold. I dreamt they were at the camp, in office buildings, with my mom, my friends. It was a very long night. When we finally got up in the morning, we could see buffalo in a campsite near by, but we’ll never know how close they really were that night.

While these experiences have been scary for me, thanks to my husband, I have gotten to see and experience a lot of things I might not otherwise experience. But if I ever don’t come back from vacation, you’ll know one of these creatures finally got me.

Why everyone should read Young Adult books

I gave this speech as my persuasive speech (#9) for Toastmasters. I'm sure I said a few different things during the actual speech, but this is the gist of it.

Books are available to cover every possible topic you can think of. There are books about vampires, secret societies, and knitting. There are mysteries, science fiction, historical fiction, romance, and many other genres. Who knows, there may even be vampire knitting books, but I haven't found those yet. There really are books available for every niche and interest you may have. However one genre often overlooked by adults is the Young Adult Fiction. And I believe everyone should read Young Adults books.

Now, you may be saying, "Stacey, I am not a teen. I haven't been a teen in a long time. Why would I want to read a book about teens?" Well, while the books may be geared towards teens, and are often set in high school, there are important lessons in YA books that even adults can relate to. I am very fond of John Green's books and think they have great lessons in them for people of all ages. In Paper Towns, a boy named Q is enthralled by his neighbor Margo Roth Spieglman. One night, she invites him on a revenge-filled mission with her, then disappears the next morning. Throughout the rest of the book, Q investigates her disappearance, and along the way, realizes that the Margo he had been pining after for years was not actually the person she was. He discovers that often we project onto other people how we want them to behave, instead of getting to know the actual person. This is something even adults can take to heart. How often do you want your spouse to behave in a certain way and are then disappointed when he or she doesn't? Do you get mad when someone isn't at work before 11, because you would never come in that late? Do you take the time to actually think about that person and imagine what his life is like? It's something I recognize doing myself, and something I actually wish I had been more aware of in high school. And it's something that I can apply to my life now to help me be more aware and tolerant of others. Young adult books show that some lessons are worth learning and relearning, regardless of your age.

Another benefit of YA books is that they are often easy to read. You don't have to disect the book to figure out that the author made it rain during the scene to symbolize the grief felt by the protagonist. No, it's just there. I mentioned the lessons in John Green's books, but don't think that it took me hours of careful analysis to figure that out. It's mentioned in the book. While this could be a bit much to always have everything laid out, oftentimes it is a nice treat to have something simple and easy to read. I like to read a book quickly and enjoy the plot. I also enjoy a good lesson, but I don't want to have to overanalyze everything in the book to find the lesson. And young adult books seem ideal for this.

Most young adult books are set in high school, and it's something everyone can related to, since we've all been there. Regardless of your background, you had to get through those teen years to make it to adulthood. And there are some universal things that we all experienced. Many adult books are set in situations we haven't experienced. They involve families, divorce, murder, CIA intrigue, and other situations that we might not know about. But we do all know about the awkwardness that comes with growing up and finding your place in the world. And hopefully we all have at least a few good memories about that time, be it school activities, first romance, or hanging out on Friday nights at the football game. When the daily grind of work and responsibility gets to be too much, it can be a stress reliever to escape back into that more carefree time for just a little bit.

There are some young adult books that are heavy on the young side, and may not be for everyone. But you may not like all books of an adult genre either. What is entertaining for one person may not be so for another. Don't discount the entire genre just because you think they are all kid's books and don't be embarrassed to read whatever you want. Next time you are in the library or bookstore, take a look in the YA section. If you see something interesting, hold your head up high, and get that book. You can always say it is for your niece or nephew.